Dancing the blues away

Did you ever find no sense in whatever you do ?
Did you ever feel empty like vacuum within ? Did you ever felt this is not me and 'I need to find true myself''  ?

If you are , you may connect a bit with me.
2013, is a significant year for me, it has set me to do things which i longed for long.
I took a step not to seek anyone's assent for my small wishes.

I was 38, at the end of 30s and i was like 16 at my heart.
I wanted to do to things, which give me happiness at the cost of no hurt to my dear ones.
I resumed my dancing skills after 24 years. 
This decision went against my ex husband Deva then, who was a wonderful person in great deal of aspects . Yet there was a space between us which was never filled. 

I always feel everyone should be allowed to enjoy the freedom to take their own decisions. No matter it is marriage, relationship, studies or passions. Unfortunately in many Indian families, the decisions of children especially girl children's are decided by elders. No parent thinks against the welfare of the kid, yet the decision cannot be appreciative or the kid is not matured enough to know if that was the right choice for her /his.
The situation is even more pathetic for girl children, the decisions can be parents / brothers and when she marries it would be husband or kids as if she cannot decide her own good.

My relationship with Deva was souring for inexplicable reasons , the string was so thin that I knew it will break any moment , by then i already completed 2 decades of living with him. I was too tired to manage that show anymore and wanted to be myself.

I started engaging myself on weekends in dance sessions.

Trip to Clarks Exotica from Office

Tuesday 27th -2010:

I heard my phone ringing in the morning at 7.15 AM, while I was dressing up.
It was the day that team outing to ‘Clarks Exotica’ was arranged from office.
The bus was scheduled to reach my stop at 7.25, and was expecting a call from Archana, as she was one stop early boarder.
I assumed that was the call from Archana and did not make a hurry to pick up the call. We agreed that Archana would give a missed call after she boards into the bus. I started picking up my hand bag.
I did not inform Varu that I am going to outing, since he is very young and possessive about his mother.
Two days before, while we were having dinner, I just disclosed that, there would be a team outing being arranged from office.
Varu face lit with a glow and said ‘Really’
Then I said, ‘this time no family, only employees will be taken’
His glow went off, and said, ‘don’t go, and tell them that you can’t come without your son’
Then Sonu said, ‘Oh, then can you go to your school trip without Amma’. He went to a resort for one day trip from the 3rd standard.
I can understand Varu’s feelings, so did not continue that topic.
I was also careful not to bring that topic again.
I just told Varu that I am going to office and left home. Deva dropped me at bus stop.
The bus came on the scheduled time; I greeted Archana in the bus, and took the seat next to her. We killed the time by talking a lot, on all the topics available.
We reached the resort at 9.10 AM. We met Shubha, my other close colleague.
There was a buffet breakfast and juice. We had it, attended ‘Goodwin chin’s’ speech for 20 min, on the Release celebration.
Later we played batminton for 30 min, and checked what we can do.
Archana, Shuba and I were together for the whole day.
Archana took us to gang of her friends, who were with some other girls.
They were playing the ‘throw ball’, we joined them. I am not a sports person; even though I consider the fitness is very important for me.
But my play was not all that bad.
I was very glad to meet all those lovely girls. They were all very friendly.Thanks to Exotica, It made me to meet many girls which I do every day, but don’t converse.They were lovely and very energetic in playing.
We played many games till evening, with one hour break for lunch,
Throw ball, Run and chase, Basket ball, Bat Minton, Dumb charades, Blind fold, Message passing….
Later we reached the swimming pool. We saw it is crowded by our male colleagues.
We moved to one corner, and few of our girls went into pool.
We later walked to dining area, had some coffee and cookies.
And we finally left from the resort at 5.15 PM.
I reached my place at 6.40 PM. Varu was waiting for me. He started telling what he done during the day.
I was completely tired; I was not able to stand also. Deva understood my condition and helped kids to have dinner.
I changed clothes and went to bed at 7.00 PM. I could not get up till 4.00 AM the next day.